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Is Autism a Form of Salsa? Scientists Split; Mexican Restaurants Consider Possibilities!

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Mexican Restaurant Owners Might Be Asking: “Do you want your autism Spicy or Mild?!”

During a great twitter debate, where minds are changed and policies are discussed for the future of all mankind, one user used the ‘archaic term’ “Mild Autism” when referring to forms of autism which are arguably less severe than others, to which another internet user stated: “Autism isn’t a salsa”. Without peer reviewed research, scientists from the Demonic Science Masochistic Venom Council decided to intervene.

Immediately, a call to order was issued, as the DSMV Council began a typhoon of twitter tweets, releasing straw man after straw man, while comparing research gathered from uncontrolled sample sizes less than 10 participants each, producing the much coveted correlated results with no causation confirmation.

Everything seemed to settle down by Noon O’Clock, until the armchair tenured professors decided to flex their tendril like digits (which typically extend from what we might call “hands”). Without warning, a deluge of suspected “Autism Genes” were immediately shipped to the CDC for chemical analysis and comparison with known salsa samples.

Mexican restaurants everywhere await the chemical results. “This could change everything!” one restaurant owner might’ve said, but we were too lazy to ask the ICE Prison Guards for an opportunity to speak with a detainee.

The initial twitter poster, however, was interviewed and had this to say: “I was just trying to save character space by comparing severe to less severe forms of the disability.”

While the second had this to say: “I was just being witty.”

The world patiently awaits the chance to completely ignore this American brouhaha, and continue on with normal day to day operations.


Hey, everyone, I thought I’d post a little background and explanation to this story, since this is a touchy subject.
I do have a few friends with Autism, and have been told the American debate on how to approach research is almost exclusively American. In fact, in my own experience, the USA is incredibly behind in research on the issue, mostly due to the arguments “scientists” have over terminology.
This story was taken from a real life exchange. As a migraine sufferer I am often told to describe things from mild to severe, I realize that Autism has had numerous terminology changes over the years. My brain doesn’t always catch up, and twitter character limit can be atrocious, so I wrote “mild” instead of “high functioning”. The other user gave the rather witty response of: “Autism isn’t a salsa.” I couldn’t stop laughing.
The individual’s response to my tweet was just too priceless to pass up, and thought “The way scientists in the USA approach the various forms Autism, it wouldn’t surprise me if some of them did think it was a salsa.”
I asked the poster if they wouldn’t mind if I wrote a “lampoon” article that would hopefully help everyone relax. They agreed, and gave a chuckling approval when they read it.
Sometimes comedy helps heal the soul and the topic being discussed, and that is the intent of this article, so I hope all of you have enjoyed this. Have a good one!

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