This story follows up with:
Ireland: Puppy Packs Sent Packing!
Vladamir Lugosi Putin shocked the world when he issued his Yearly Dracula Decree! Expecting another 10 virgins to be sacrificed from the surrounding hellmouths, Vlad instead demanded that all Puppies be banned – PERMANENTLY – from the Red Bloc.
“I am truly saddened, b/c one of my favorite things to eat was puppy brains at Helga’s Bistro. This is just another example of liberal obstructionism. #BadDay #BadDecision” – he said as he is shown here crying in this picture next to Tsar Alucard’s great grandson.
But, truly, what does this mean for the small shop owners?
“I make all my monies off Puppy Brains,” Helga of Helga’s Bistro said, “And Mr Bad hair loves it so much, he spends mucho dollars! Now, no puppies means no Mr. Bad Hair and his grabby touchy fingers, or his green silly monies! That ok, Helga know recipe for ratbrains, people no know difference! You no publish this interview, right? Good. Or Helga cast Dracula Curse on you!”
Good try, Helga, we know you can’t read English, also, we’ve got Isis’ blessing from Egypt last year, so tough luck on that curse, you rancid puppy murderer!
Still, even with the vulgar people like this Russian, one must still feel some guilt over the small businessman who must make drastic changes in order to accommodate the new oppressive lifestyle in the Red Bloc.
And what about the banned puppies? Where will they go? Nobody knows.
All attempts to contact Vladamir were met with failure, as
his Key Man Servant Ambassador Renfield was too busy organizing the USRPAC (United States Russian Political Action Committee) for the upcoming election to respond.
Let’s hope that some good might come out of this Puppy Ban! Right now, all I see are starving children and puppies without homes!