America’s Favorite Award Winning Police Sketch Artist Set To Retire!
America’s favorite award winning police sketch artist, Danny Mr Mans, is set to retire later this month.
With his stellar ability to capture the essence of whomever is being described, his sketches have led police to a conviction every single time. With over 120 sketches, and 130 successful convictions, Danny Mr Mans has solidified himself as the top police sketch artist in history!
“His sketches were so good,” writes Prosecutor Mr Womans, “that we sometimes managed to convict two people from one sketch! It is just astounding how a little dot here, or a thin line there, can accurately capture the villainous behavior of a perpetrator’s soul!
“Take these two sketches, for instance, they directly led to 5 convictions!” Mr Womans shifted in his seat as he tried to explain, “You see, it’s a surrealist representation of the dichotomy of life, and how five people became four, became three, became two, as represented by the screaming gloved hand, and the circled cross! To the untrained eye, they might look like nothing, but the Jury saw exactly what they needed to see, and this is all they needed to convict those five monsters! Honestly, I don’t think any of us could’ve gotten half of these convictions without Mr Mans’ sketches! Some cases were built around his sketches alone, with no need for any other evidence or witness testimony!”
But, it wasn’t always smooth sailing, there was one day that Danny Mr Mans got an owie on his finger, and it was impossible to draw a circle. Thankfully, his friend, Officer Friendly Face provided him with a mason jar lid! One successful tracing, followed by two black dots and a smile, and the police had their man! With ingenuity like that, who wouldn’t be surprised at Danny Mr Mans’ death row rate of 98% (it’d be 100, but those heathens in California suspended their executions)!
With such a stellar career, we must ask ourselves, “Will this be all for Danny Mr Mans?”
Because, good folks, we’re making our own news today, for we just hired Danny Mr Mans as our new on site artist!
Expect more of this wonderful art from the award winning sketch artist in the near future!
Until then, here’s a stegosaurus: