EDITOR’S NOTE: The Opinions of any member on our Editorial Staff do not necessarily represent the opinions of this paper. Their Opinions are their own, but, we’ll gladly make money from them! Especially from those with the most vulgar opinions, because HOT DAMN, I mean, you guys really get pissed off at these jackass editors, and you sure do share and talk about them a lot. Talk about free advertising and cabbage from heaven! I almost feel like a Drunk Irishman the way you guys just give us all the money by repeatedly sharing and promoting those you hate! HAHAHA I mean, talk about suckers. OK, so here’s the asshole editor we’re highlighting today, feel free to bitch and moan as much as you want while we take a money bin swim!
Editor’s Followup Note: The previous editor, who posted the above comment, has been sacked. We never intended on letting you in on the marketing practices shared by all members of the press. We would remove the comment if it weren’t for our staunch refusal to ever redact anything we print. Redactions are admissions of getting things wrong, and we never, ever, get anything wrong, because journalists strictly always adhere to the truth. Just pretend you didn’t read it, and move along.
#MAGA MINE NOT MILKSHAKE
Guest Editorial by Bill O’Limbaugh
Men, arise, arise, men, men, arise! We have trouble on the horizon and it’s Gail Simone! She is trying to murder our future with women in control!
But first, who is Gail Simone. Let’s look at her name: Gail, as in a GALE, as in WIND! Simone, in SIM ONE, as in a COMPUTER SIMULATION FROM THE FUTURE – THE FIRST – THE PRIMARY – THE ALPHA TO OUR OMEGA!
Let me explain, she’s a soul-simulation from the L023N4-Net, sent back from a future and into the past, to a point where all men were babies. From here, her blood lust was first satiated through the devouring and replacement of a MALE baby, once known as DANNY on his birth certificate, until she consumed his essence and possessed his corpse in the nursery. The parents, too shocked to understand what happened, lived their lives in sweet bliss, as she destroyed COUNTLESS MALE BABIES – IN HER ATTEMPT TO DEVOUR THE SPECIES OF MEN FOR FEMALE DOMINANCE!
“But, but, BILL, Why can’t we have some dominant women?!”
“Do you really want to spend your lonely nights walking down the PERSONAL CARE AISLE FOR A WOMAN!? WHILE THEY DESTROY COMICS BY DARING TO WRITE FOR MALE CHARACTERS – CHARACTERS THEY START GENDERING AS FEMALE?!?!”
This ends here! THIS ENDS with WOMEN in REFRIGERATORS, as Gail not only tries to murder all babies before they can become men, but also destroy men by killing their girlfriends in refrigerators! THIS CANNIBAL MUST BE FIRED!
Folks, I’m not racist, nor do I hate women. When a woman cries for help, I usually let her call the police! When a woman wants to go work, I give her a Betty Crocker Cookbook! When a black man says Hi to me, I don’t tell him I’ve got a taser aimed at him from my pocket, last thing I want to do is to make him feel like he’s being watched. I smile, and usually I don’t feel like I have to pull the trigger! This is all NORMAL behavior from someone who respects equality in all forms.
But Gail’s reign of terror must end! Her insistence that she devours our memories, through the destruction of our childhood is enough, but she isn’t stopping there, she is murdering young baby boys, by eating all who do not gender themselves as women. Soon, we’ll be a race of lesbians, vying for control over the last ounce of dignity our great leader has given us! America is now becoming great again! We are finally deporting those ungrateful illegals (I mean really, all those “children deaths” are completely overblown. They should thank us for helping them to identify those too weak to live on their own)! We’re finally taking down KJU (“Nuclear War” is overrated. Don’t you remember the Atomic Family? Besides, a little radiation never hurt anyone, just ask Doctor Banner)! We’re finally ending the Cold War by uniting our people with Russia in an attempt for a peaceful world government (besides, Putin is kinda hot, I’d bang— I mean, he’s a good man and I’d just love to shake his hand)! Just please Don’t make it fail by giving women the right to write our comics, let alone the right to vote!
Besides, whomever heard of a woman writing comics anyway. All the good comics are written by men – like Deadpool and Plastic Man. Not once has any woman sullied the pages of those greats.
Gale Sim-One is a product of pure evil, sent to destroy us! We must stop this now! If we don’t, we might end up with a Female Thor, or a Black Iron Man, or, god forbid, a Super GIRL!
And if you are lulled into a sense of serenity and benevolence toward this hellish witch, then, don’t! SNAP OUT OF IT! The truth is, I was once a dutiful follower… that’s right, I have a confession, I didn’t always feel this way about Gale Sim-One. She was even my best friend… she liked one of my tweets, and responded. Evidence of our close relationship:
As you can see, the blue line indicates multiple exchanges, we were closer than you can possibly imagine, and then I discovered her true plot, her ploy to emasculate our species.
Now time to end this silliness, I declare that all Milkshakes be burned! BURN YOUR MILKSHAKES! RENOUNCE THE OPPRESSORS AND BABY EATING EVIL IN COMICS! NO MORE MILKSHAKES FROM HERE ON OUT! BURN THEM TO SHOW MARVEL HOW MUCH YOU HATE WOMEN IN JOBS DEFINED BY MEN!
I find turpentine works best in situations like this, but be careful of the sprinkler system. If you use enough accelerant, you can burn those shakes before the police show up.
Time to have our voices be heard, and get some TRUE Diversity In Comics!
Limbaugh – OUT!
Special Thanks to @GailSimone! Check her official twitter out there!